I was at Oktoberfest in a crowd of thousands of Kentucky rednecks listening to a coverband play Mellencamp when P called to tell me that Grampa died. She didn't have to say it -- all she said was, "Frances called with bad news tonight." I took it as fact, put it in the back of my mind, and called Mom when I got home to figure out what I should do and when.
Spent the rest of the weekend on the phone and on Mapquest finding plane fares. Emailed my manager to ask if I could take off a few days for travel, woke up this morning and got ready for work as usual, plopped in my office, started my computer, etc. When H came in she asked, "Have a good weekend?" I said, "Yes, but... my... grandfather died." And I broke into tears. I don't know why. I guess it was the first time I said it out loud, and it is just so strange how saying something out loud is what makes it real. She was all, "Sweetheart, go home! What are you doing here? That's your family! Go home!" and she went to the admin's office to bring her in so they could tell me in unison to go home. I was a wreck, clearly unable to think/function, so I went home. I bought my ticket, finalized everything, and then realized I had nothing else to do so I went back to work. It was a parade of people coming in to tell me how sorry they were, and although I really appreciate it, hearing those apologies over and over made me feel worse.
I think they all wanted me to leave because my presence made them uncomfortable. Can we talk to her about it? Should we talk to her at all? Should we ask questions? Does she want to be left alone? But most of all, it all made them remember when their own grandparents died. Coworker after coworker were telling me stories of when their grandparents died and where they had to travel and how they had to become an emotional support for their own parents - maybe for the first times in their lives.
Another thing to mention about today is that I work with wonderful people. I am so happy to work for a company full of caring, loving people.
2 comments:
I'm sorry about your loss, even grandparents that you don't have much contact with, it still hurts. It also hurts to see your parents hurt.
But, dude? P called? On your phone? I'm presuming you went right out and got a new fancy one?
I really hope you got some bereavement days out of them. My recent former employer gave up to 5 days for family deaths including those members in your spouse's/partner's family.
And sorry to hear the news of your grandfather. It's never a convenient time and it's never something you want to hear. But at least take solace in that your grandfather would be happy that you didn't pass on before him---morbid, yes, but so true.
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