When people asked if I could go home for Thanksgiving this year (which I couldn't), I was still excited because it meant I could have two turkey dinners - one with the MF's parents and another one on Saturday with his aunt and cousins.
But I got up this morning and something just didn't feel right, and I was making juvenile mental attacks on his family all day, and I knew that it wasn't anything they were doing wrong - they're wonderful people - it's just that they're not my family. And so when I irritably texted "Save me" to P, she thought she was doing a good thing by calling back with my little niece on the line to cheer me up, my niece who, when I asked her what she ate for Thanksgiving responded by singing a song to me. "Mary had a little lamb, Cah-ween." And it was so precious and so dear, that when I hung up the phone I couldn't bear to make eye contact with anyone, only stare at the little photograph I have of her, when MF's mom asked, "You're really missing her, aren't you?" and I had to run out of the kitchen before bursting into tears, because I should be with my family tonight.
On the drive home I thought about that Thanksgiving when P was working at John Herr's Grocery and had to ring up an old man's cold cut turkey and loaf of bread, which was just about the saddest thing I could ever picture, but here I am now, at home by myself, eating ramen - ramen that is cold and leftover from last week, because I just didn't have the appetite for turkey today.
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1 comment:
Well, Happy (belated) Thanksgiving to you. At least you didn't have to work!
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